For Gregor Mendel's 189th Birfday...

The Battle of the Peas

I won’t eat them

I won’t eat peas

Take them away

If you please

“C’mon, give peas a chance,”

She says

No, no, no.

I’d rather be dead!

“Don’t play with your food!”

(I push them around)

I try to leave

“Sit right down!”

“You can’t leave

Until you’re done,”

“And you have eaten

Every single one”

I take a nibble

I fake a bite

I spit them out

With all my might

Upon the floor

To the dog’s delight

I won’t eat them

Not without a fight!

They hold my nose

So I can’t breathe

“You’re gonna eat

All those peas!”

I clench my teeth,

I’m turning blue!

“Dontcha know there’s starving children

In Timbuktu!”

Well, go ahead

Give them my peas

Send them away

C.O.D.

I won’t eat them,

You can’t make me!

I won’t eat them,

No-sir-ree!

“I’ve had enough of this,

Go up to bed

And no dessert for you!”

(That’s what he said)

“But in the morning,

For breakfast, you’ll see,

A big, round plate

Of cold, green peas!”

You can’t do that!

It’s not fair!

No dessert?

And the peas still there!?

Well if it pleases you,

I don’t care

I’ll take you up

On your dare

Morning comes

I awake

Cold, green peas

The kind I hate

“Cap’n Crunch

Will have to wait

Until you finish everything

On your plate!”

Oh nooo!

This just can’t be

Dontcha remember?

I don’t like peas!

Wait a minute!

I’ve got a plan

As I sneak the peas

Into my hand

And drop them slowly

So they can’t see

Into my pocket

Secretively

Big, fat smile

On my face

All those peas

Have gone away!

“So, son,

How’d they taste?”

“Not too bad,”

I say in haste

Mother? Father?

May I be excused?

I have finished

All my food

“Yes, son,

Now get ready for school”

Tee, hee, hee. 

Parents are so easy to fool!

Sitting in the classroom

Just thinking about

The nasty green peas

That I can do without

This is not really

Where I want to be

But it’s better than eating

Those cold, green peas

Recess comes

Time to play

Tackle football

On the agenda today

They kick the ball

I try to block it

Smooshed all the peas

In my pocket!

Right in front

Of a girl I like

“Hey, everybody!

Look at Mike!”

Big, green stain

On my jeans

All the kids laughin’

And being mean

“He pea-ed his pants!”

Someone exclaimed

As I hang my head

And cry in shame

School bell rings. 

I’m not feeling well

I just went through

A day of hell

Home for dinner

What’s this I see?

A big, giant plate

Of broccoli!

The battle of the peas

I may have won

But the war of the vegetables

Has just begun!

© 1997 Michael Swiencki